In light of my “let’s find something good that happened in 2020” attitude, I have to start with something I never expected and feel incredibly blessed to have been able to develop – a deep bond with my grandsons and their mother that gives new meaning to the word “family.”
When I was growing up, family was a simple term. It included those who were related to you by marriage or blood. If they stopped being related to you by marriage, they were no longer part of your family, and if other people became related to you by marriage, they became part of your family. The only inconvenience with regard to holidays was whether you were going to visit one side or the other.
Then the two-sided box became a parallelogram. Families changed – no longer the Mommy, Daddy, boy and girl children, dog, and cat of the Dick and Jane readers I learned from when the world was still flat. People changed, the world changed, families changed, gatherings became a conglomeration of people you are, were, never were but wish you were, and might be but it’s been too long to remember related to, and the word “family” became this magnificent word, encompassing people who truly love one another. When you think about it, it’s kind of cool. My “family” consists of a whole bunch of people, some of whom are actual relatives, and they themselves have similar families. It’s this awesome hodgepodge of love and loyalty.
Why do I ramble like this? I mean, other than the fact that I ramble as a rule?
I do this because my family – those I call “family” – are, for the most part, either distantly, peripherally, no longer, or recently related. In some cases, we are connected by the thinnest of threads, and yet, they are the strongest of bonds.
One such relationship is with the young boys who call me Grandma Lili. They have grandmothers, they have family, and they are truly, truly loved by their relatives. But through their mother and their uncles, I have been blessed to have them in my life. For this, I will be eternally grateful.
Pre-pandemic, I spent a decent amount of time with them, even having them overnight once in a while. They loved to play with and walk the dogs, they loved helping me cook, and they were just a lot of fun to have around. They made us smile, and we hoped to provide them with another loving place to spend time.
We were blessed to have had them the weekend of March 13, so I got to see them right before the world shut down. We didn’t see them for weeks, which, to a 3- and 5-year-old, could be a significant time period in their development. Storytime with Grandma Lili was born, in an attempt to bring them a part of me when I couldn’t spend time with them. My son, “Jaja,” and I talked almost daily about how much we missed them.
And then it happened – mom had to go to work. Ashley is one of the hardest working single mothers I know, and she was stuck. She didn’t feel comfortable sending her kids to daycare during COVID-19, WE didn’t feel comfortable with the kids in daycare, and as a health care hero, mom had to see patients. So, Jordan and Elijah packed their bags and moved in with Grandma Lili temporarily.
Like I said in my last blog, none of this would have been possible had my employer not allowed me to work from home. I was lucky that I was able to provide a place for them that was warm, safe, and where they were loved. I spent many evenings working late at night while they were sleeping, and it was very convenient that my boss was in Paris at the time, so I was often working at 3 am anyway. But what happened next is something that changed my life for the better.
During that time, we bonded – they started sleeping over several nights a week, so we bought them their own bed. They got cups, and plates, and stepstools so they could help cook. We got a toybox to keep all their toys, and a rolling cart for their crayons and paints.
They walked the dogs with “Unka Joe.” We did crafts. We were quarantined, so we couldn’t go anywhere. We blew bubbles outside and made “mac and cheese” and watched movies and ate blueberries and grapes and cheese sticks. What emerged from that few weeks was a relationship and bond that will never be broken. For now and for always, they will have Grandma Lili.
They are my dudes. Elijah and I baked cookies. We all made Christmas presents for “Jaja” and Mommy. They have beds, and bathrobes and slippers, and when they get here, they rush to put their shoes in “our closet.” When my girl Ashley needs me drops them off, (as long as they haven’t fallen asleep in the car LOL), they run to hug me. This makes me feel wonderful on so many levels.
I was a single mother. I worked 2 and three jobs. I struggled to put food on the table and give my kids what they deserved, while at the same time maintaining my own relationship with them. I felt so comforted when I knew my kids were with other family members that loved them, and I loved that they could form loving bonds with multiple people. I love that I can provide Ashley with that sense of relief, knowing her children ware with someone who loves them. And I love that my boys and I are developing a connection that is permanent – and that they know they are always warm, safe, and loved when they are with me.
We all need people in our lives. We all love as best we can with what we have to love. For me, the love of children exceeds all else. I firmly believe that the more positive people a child has in their life, the more love they get from people, the more secure they will be. There is no limit to the amount of love that a child can receive. They never get too full.
So, thanks to COVID-19 (unfortunately), I got to “jumpstart,” so to speak, my relationship with my grandsons. As a result, we are now tight. We’ll always be tight. We’ll always have A Charlie Brown Christmas, Willie Wonka, and the 400 movies I’ve tried to show them that they don’t want to watch.
I love these children, and I love their mother. I am blessed that she welcomes me into their lives. And I want nothing move than to help bring them happiness and joy. And for the ability to do that just a little, I am thankful. In this way, which many may think small, but I consider huge, 2020 has given me joy.
Next up – more people in the family who bring me joy – and the pride I am taking in my education.
Don’t take my word for it – look it up yourself. Grandma Lili loves you!