And…scene.
We knew it would happen, didn’t we? I got the initial blog out, I got the blog honoring my adorable grandchildren out (the most important one), and now, I have five blogs worth of stuff and already writing 2021 on my imaginary checks.
So here is where we are. And you know what? That’s fine. I just got my coloring book and markers, and I’m going to write this, celebrate the holiday, watch The Honeymooners marathon, visit my son for his birthday, and enjoy the last two days before I return to work.
My intent, sometime around October, was that I was going to write a few blogs this week bemoaning the end of 2020 – what we missed, what we should have gotten, how the government failed us, how our families suffered. But then, as I said, the reality of time hit me. Was 2020 really ALL bad? Did NOTHING good happen?
I started to look back at the year, and I realized that a few things happened for which I could be thankful. They would have happened anyway, but it’s nice that they still did.
But did anything good happen as a RESULT of the pandemic? Did the quarantine create a force of nature that would not have been this apparent had life been moving along at its normal rate?
And the answer to that, as I said a few days ago, is yes, it did.
Again – I do not discount anyone’s pain, loss, or heartache. As the virus death toll increased, we heard comparisons – more than the pandemic of 100 years ago – more than 9/11 – more than Vietnam – and so on. But what we don’t consider is that for those people that have lost people there is no comparison. If you lost your spouse September 11, it doesn’t help that more people died in 2020 of Covid-19. If you lost someone to Covid-19, you don’t give a damn that the economy is tanking.
There is no comparison – ever. Your loss is your loss, your pain is your pain, etc. We all get to feel what we feel, and it doesn’t matter where it falls on the “severity” scale in terms of loss/grief/pain.
So, when people tell each other to “look at the bright side,” or “be thankful for xx,” what they’re telling you is “it could be worse.” Because as long as you can stand and verbalize “It couldn’t be worse,” rest assured, it could.
Of course, it could be worse. I mean, relatively speaking, it can always be worse. But what is “worse” to one is “not too bad” to another.
So how to handle this? How do I say “here are the positives that happened to me – both because of and in spite of the pandemic” without trying to diminish anyone else’s pain.
I’m just going to say it. Because if you go back about three sentences, I say that your pain is your pain – at the same time, your joy is your joy. You have the right to feel all of it.
So here we go. What are my positive takeaways from 2020?
First of all, I mentioned family – I already shared that my relationship with my grandsons has grown dramatically since we shut down. It’s amazing to look at these adorable boys and hear them call for me when they need something. I love that they have so many people in their lives that love them.
But they are not the only ones in my family that I have grown closer to. Even my own kids and I have deepened our relationships. They are my best friends, and I look to them for help, advice, humor, and so many other things. This year, since we initially had to spend all our time apart, we took the phone. I have had some of the most amazing phone conversations with my kids, and they have resulted in an increased level of self-awareness for me – and a true appreciation for who they are.
We all know this pandemic has been hard on everyone. I found myself crying hysterically for stupid reasons (or reasons I considered stupid). More than once, I allowed circumstances to overwhelm me emotionally, and as a result, was rooted to one spot and unable to move. I often found myself reaching out to one of my kids – I never ended these conversations feeling less than 100% better.
Would our relationship have grown had there not been a pandemic? Of course. But who knows if this would have happened this way – what I do know is that I have these amazing adults that I gave birth to – and this year, they got to help me in ways I can’t describe.
I should also take this time to mention two other family members I appreciated this year. We all want our children to be happy. That’s all we ever say. We joke when they’re young about the “control” we imagine we’re going to be able to exhibit over their adult decisions, all the while knowing in the back of our minds, we will actually have none whatsoever.
Anyone that has had a negative in-law experience knows that we take chances when we “couple.” We’re joining not only a person, but their family. Conversely, as a family, we are put in the position of accepting our family members’ choices of partner, regardless of how we feel.
I happen to have been blessed even more so in that regard, in that my children are involved with people that love them – that they love – that I love – and that love me. Having people that love them in their lives has been a great help to them this year, but even more importantly (in my world LOL), I have the calm ease of knowing my children. If you’ve ever watched someone you love in an unhealthy relationship, you understand why I am so grateful.
So, in 2020, I deepened and strengthened my relationship with my children. Next up – extended family and friends!
Don’t take my word for it – look it up yourself.
Grandma Lili loves you!
