Disclaimer – actually written the night of Thanksgiving
And there you have it. Thanksgiving was different this year.
Thanksgiving was different –just like every day since mid-March. Like all the other holidays –not only the religious or cultural holidays like Easter, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Diwali, etc. – but even the downhome American barbecue holidays like July 4th – had fallen victim to Covid-19. While the virus itself may have been discovered in 2019 (hence the name), the truth was, anytime anyone EVER mentioned COVID – our first thought would be 2020. And with the END of 2020 right around the corner, there was still no end in sight.
What would the next month be like? Between the pandemic and the economy, there’d be less traveling, less wandering through malls, fewer office parties, and we wouldn’t be blessed with our coworkers’ scrumptious treats throughout the month. We were divided into two camps – “let’s put the Christmas stuff up early –we need joy!” and “why bother? No one can come in to see it anyway.”
COVID-19 fatigue had hit all of us. My own sense of doom and feelings of being overwhelmed, usually peaking around now because of school anxiety, had been at a steady hum since sometime in August, and I was having a lot of trouble getting motivated to do what I needed to do. I missed my family, my friends, sitting out in the sun, and wearing lipstick. Off since Tuesday, I was supposed to be working on not one, but two, papers – but I couldn’t get it together.
On a day when we’re supposed to be thankful, how difficult was it going to be to give thanks for the fear we’ve been living in? Quarantining again, I seriously wondered if I’d ever feel safe in the world. Also, not to be obvious, but the idea of hanging out alone for the rest of my life really didn’t sound so bad.
But I digress – this blog is about being thankful. While I do believe 2020 deserves a full-on year end blog, it IS Thanksgiving, so, I mean, it’s as good a day as any .
Like everyone else, I wanted to spend Thanksgiving with my family. I wanted to play games, and eat turkey, and laugh, and hug people. I wanted to take pictures and see kids and listen to music.
It hurt to stay home and make turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes for two, but I’m thankful we could do it. I’m thankful our families were all on the same page, and everyone pretty much stayed close to home – if not home. Talking on the phone was not the same thing as talking in person – seeing pictures of each other’s dinners on social media is not the same thing as sitting around the table sharing and passing dishes.
But how amazingly lucky, and thankful, I am that we are able to do that.
For the most part, the structural components of my day-to-day life haven’t changed. I do the same job, make the same money, and pay the same bills. Everyone in the household, including the pets, has stayed healthy. For the most part, everyone in our “pod” has been compliant with regulations. Even my two exposures both resulted in negative tests. While things like Thanksgiving have been inconvenient and difficult, I have not had to maneuver around the pandemic for my essential needs. Among other things, I have my job to thank for that. And while I, like the rest of the working class, have no actual control over the terms of my employment, I can never discount the fact that my terms are beneficial to me.
I know this is not the same for everyone, and I am sad for that. My own comfort and privilege do not in any way diminish that fact. But in whatever dice rolled, or God-given or universe-provided existence in which I happened to have been born, I have been incredibly lucky to predominantly have had my most basic needs met. So I should be even more grateful that now, when we are so restricted in life, and we are forced into a level of discomfort we feel all over the world, I am able to maintain my standard level of existence. The only major issue has been in not being able to interact face to face with people. And I’ll tell you – the longer this goes on, the more appealing doing a lot of this stuff virtually looks.
But there are other things I am thankful for. My family and friends are among the best in the world. They care about me, and each other, and they are kind and loving and loyal. If there is any time when I can be appreciative of the family and friends I have, it’s now – when we have had to go out of our way to maintain some level of contact with each other.
They love me – not in spite, but because, of who I am. They forgive me my flaws (for example, all the people I should have spoken to and didn’t today will forgive me for it). The people that love me are honest with me and want me to be honest with them. It took me years of adult life to understand the value of true friendship, and I am thankful I had friends who stuck it out until I learned LOL. I am thankful I have so many people who love me in my life, including my best friends – my kids.
As I look across the room at my husband, I am reminded of how lucky I am that he loves me – and wants to be my partner. My lack of patience is perfectly balanced by his overabundance of same. Unfair, I know – but another reason I am so grateful. He loves me, he loves our kids, he loves our grandkids, and he loves our pets…and he shows it every single day. He truly just wants us all to be happy.
I love being in school and learning things that can help me try to make the world a better place, and I cannot even begin to verbalize how grateful I am for the opportunity to do this. I had a friend tell me I inspired her today, and that she is starting school. I told her she’s going to love how much she’ll learn. Being in school has given me a different view – and better understanding – of the world. And I’m so thankful my friend shared that with me.
My blessings are plentiful – and today, when I am disappointed at not seeing our families, I am still able to look forward to the time when we can do so again. Of all the things I am most grateful for, it is that – that I have the opportunity, the ability, and the hope to look forward to when I will once again be able to be face to face with all my family. In the meantime, I will be thankful that I have the love of people in my life, a warm bed, good food, and my health.
I cannot take anyone else’s journey, and I have no right to tell anyone what they should be thankful for. And while I don’t want to turn this into a social justice rant, my life is neither overly frugal nor extravagant, and there is no valid reason we couldn’t have a country where everyone was able to achieve at least a basic level of existence.
But we do not, unfortunately, and since I am able to have at least that, for now, I will be thankful – and hopeful. Hopeful that we will soon be together again, and hopeful that we will increase our self-awareness as a society and start taking care of each other.
Thank you all for being in this world – if you’re reading this, you have made my life, in some way, a better place…and for you, I am thankful.